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A Catty Saga – Part 3

City Writers Room

Face off in the battle of Zoom-O.

After dozens of rotors and end to ends the cats are still as keen as I am. One rotor deflects off a paw toward Lincoln. He watches with disdain. How dare it try to breach command chair. Nothing moves except one paw. SPLAT. The rotor is sent crashing to the ground team. Lincoln stares at me, I stare back as I fumble in another round. Left, left, right, left, down, up right, fire! Jack makes a valiant effort but the rotor zooms by him on a beeline for the imperious Lincoln. Leaper climbs like a fighter plane, but he has over leapt. His body swings from long jump to side swing over a vault and he hangs. Surely not! I must hit Lincoln. Leaper’s front paw drops. Smack. The rotor deflects off and is brought down by the flankers. Lincoln calmly watches his troops in action then looks at me, as if sad for me, pitying my stupidity. I try one down the middle, low and fast just above seat height. Normally these end up in my face, but Jack finally misses. Leaper decides this one is unimpressive and just rolls on the rug to stretch her muscles. It’s looking good for a safe, far landing. It passes between facing armchairs – but it is a trap.

All cats are curled, camouflaged in each chair. It’s a cross play. They both leap — swiping hard. The second one makes the kill as both land on the opposite chair they started from and settle in. I don’t look at Lincoln. I know he is smirking.

Val returns and I put the Zoom-O away. Jack knocks the Zoom-O off the table. Is that a hint or just kitty clumsy?

Val seems confident in her choice, but Summer isn’t sure if Val really knows all about every cat and so the pros and cons of each are gone over again.

Now it’s the home check. Again I’m vague on what this could be but Summer is reassuring. She’s not judging Val. She references a younger adopter, 30, who felt she was being checked because of her young age. Not so, and it isn’t for a long list of reasons either. I’m left wondering what it could be for.

I imagine a home inspector checking the pipes and switches. All that is left is the discussion on what is the best litter (The one made from corn. It’s amazing what can be made from corn: fuel, cat litter. There was a time you ate it. Perhaps we can turn fossil fuel into food for the starving billions) and that the pipes at Summer’s are flat so she can’t flush the cat…… I’ve never heard of flat pipes. It defeats the point.

Finally we are out the door, after Summer shows us the cat barricade she has for it. A foldup mattress cushion for outdoor furniture. All that seems to prove is the cats have no intention of leaving! Val explains to me that the home inspection is to ensure there are no cat dangers! Cat dangers? All windows and doors must be screened…. But Val’s door is not. But then neither was Summer’s – hence the barricade a two legged cat would clear. Reality is: a cat would be as stupid to leave Val’s as Summer’s. Sooner or later Darwin must be allowed to intervene. I’m sure the cats will somehow venture out the open door one day, gaze down on the world from her second floor porch; and go back to sleep – probably on the piano as that would be the most intrusive place. They always have before. One point to know. Cat treats are made from left over dog treats so it’s better to buy dog treats.

One last image: all those cats reacting when Summer opens the treat bag! She spreads the treats like feeding pigeons in central park. Hopefully on Thursday a very happy new family is formed. Unless there are unknown “cat dangers”. People often say I should adopt a pet. I love animals. But I hate being judged. And now Val has sent me a picture of myself playing Zoom-O with the cats.


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